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Happiness: The Quest

Happiness: The Quest

by: Lambert Klein

Happiness is something many of us strive for. Why is it so hard to achieve, especially at times when you need it the most? How do we change a gloomy mood into a lighter or happier one? There are some things within our power that will help us accomplish these goals.

What are some benefits of happiness that could encourage you to work towards it even more?

• Health • Self Confidence • A sense of Purpose • More Productivity • Achieve Your Goals • Weight Loss

Funny thing is that the above list also works in reverse. If you are healthy, self confident and all the rest listed, than you will most likely be happier. Sometimes happiness is staring us right in the face. Here are some ways that you can create happiness in your life. Exercise: It appears that exercising comes up a lot when we are speaking about improving various things in our lives. It has been shown to improve mood by making us healthier and increasing endorphins. Foods & Diet: Eating chocolate is probably more of a pleasure than sustained happiness, even though it can provide us with a short-lived boost. A healthy diet though is vital for our health and happiness. Too much sugar and junk foods are provisional emotional boosters. In the long run these problem foods will degrade us physically as well as emotionally. Eat a healthy diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables, including raw veggies. Cut back on unhealthy foods and don't "Super Size" it. Supplements: If you are not receiving all of your nutrients in your diet then you may want to supplement by taking vitamins. There are some specific supplements that target your mood. You could discuss these with your health practitioner. Music: Music can bring miracles to your mood. Go ahead and listen to something upbeat and happy. Rewards: Happiness comes from rewards as well. They can be simple things. You find a great bargain on something you been wanting. Maybe someone offers you a simple item of interest. You do a task and are complimented on it by someone else or yourself. Even finding a coin on the sidewalk can give you a "Reward" feeling that can bring happiness to you. The greatest reward can come from giving a compliment to someone or saying a kind word. Gratitude: Be grateful for what you have. This simple statement can make a giant difference in your life! Everyday think of everything you have. The enormous things, and the little things. Are you living in a cardboard box? No. Then be very grateful. Yes? Be grateful for the cardboard box. Have gratitude for friends and family, the home you live in, the food you eat. Isn't it great having air to breath, freedom to go where you want. Don't take these for granted but have gratitude and give thanks. Love: Well Love can clearly bring happiness. Love for your spouse, friends, neighbors and strangers. Give Love and you will receive Love. Learn to Love Yourself. Let's all remember that when we interact with others. Enjoyment: Do what you enjoy. This could be a hobby or going for a walk in the park. If you do things that you like it's bound to bring happiness. Forgiveness: Try a bit harder to say kind words to others. Place yourself in the other's person place for a moment. Sure there are some people that act so mean and hateful. Remember you only hurt yourself when you return meanness or hold resentment and anger inside. Help Others: Find ways to make others happy. You may be surprised that by willingly helping others to find joy can have a positive impact on you as well. Help others to find meaning in life. Keep them company. Build Self Confidence: Do your work the best you can. Learn new skills. Find meaning in your career and life. Enjoy a new hobby or game. You can boost your self-confidence by learning new and enjoyable things. Raise your self-confidence and you raise your happiness. Happiness can make you smarter! Is it really surprising that positive attracts positive? If you do these things you will increase your happiness. What is the most important thing to you? Is it money, a fancy car or a mansion, maybe your health? What about happiness? Well let's think a moment…. If you have happiness, all the happiness you want or need, would that be the most important thing to you? What good is money or the rest without happiness? If you are truly happy you won't need to worry about the rest. If you require money to be happy then you will have it. Maybe the saying, "Money Can't Buy Happiness", should be "Happiness Can Produce Money". Try to release all anger and negative emotions. You can accomplish this easier once you realize you are only hurting yourself and other loved ones around you. Sure it will take regular practice. You may struggle with this, but it can become second nature after awhile. It's up to you. Do you want to be negative and unhappy or positive and learn to be happier? You can start now by adding positive attributes to your life. Be good, smile and put on a happy face!

How Can I Trust Anyone Again?

by: Kelly Jones

Gail Asked:

I used to live on the streets and was taken advantage of in many ways. Now I am off the streets and doing much better. Trouble is, I don't trust people anymore. I always think they want something from me and consequently I can't get past a superficial relationship.

How do I deal with this? What is wrong with my thinking? I don't live on the streets anymore and don't live around those types of people. I can't make friends with this attitude. I don't want to be a loner all my life. What do you think?

Blushgirl Says:

I think you should be commended and feel proud of yourself for getting off the streets. That took courage and determination and is no small accomplishment. If you can do that, you can do anything you set your mind upon.

There is nothing wrong with your thinking. You are reacting to past experiences and feelings. This is natural. My goodness, how would anyone react after living on the streets? Any one of us would have issues to deal with after an experience like yours.

Like most things in life, trusting people comes with time and experience. There will be some people in this world that will break your trust. This is something you must accept and you probably have a head start on this one. When you encounter someone like this, don’t get discouraged, feel sorry for him or her and move on. That person will never find true happiness until they learn to treat people with respect.

Nobody is born mistrusting other people. You learned to hold back your complete trust the first time, or the second time, or the third time you got hurt for trusting someone who was less than honest with you. The situation you were in, living on the streets, was a terrible and frightening condition. People do things there which they would not normally do just to survive. So the first thing then, is to separate these things in your mind. The world you are in now is not the world you were in on the streets. They are completely different circumstances and you must try to separate them.

While on the streets, you learned that if you didn't trust, you wouldn't be blindsided when a relationship failed. Holding back, saving you the pain, protecting yourself, became very important and in some circumstances, vital. You knew no one could hurt you, really, really, badly, as long as you didn't put your trust in them. You felt secure in knowing no one could ever hurt you badly, as long as you made sure they were kept at a distance.

But the reality is, that was a different time, and a hostile environment that you are no longer a part of. Now, you must escape from it completely, and leave it behind for good. Do not however, try to erase it from your mind. Embrace the experience. Know that if it had to happen to you, maybe there was a reason, some higher calling, and it brought you where you are now.

Now you are safe, and back in the real world. Without placing faith in others, without trusting, even if it may cause you to ultimately get hurt, you'll never experience complete love.

Love and trust are partners; they work together. No matter how many times you may be hurt by people who trample the trust you place in them, you owe it to yourself to bestow the ultimate trust on the next person you choose to befriend. Choose wisely and placing trust will not be so difficult to do.

When there is trust…
1. You know he or she will be there for you no matter what happens.
2. If you start to fall, they will catch you.
3. If you are cold, they will warm you.
4. If you need a hug, their arms will enfold you.
5. If you need a soft word, theirs is the one you will hear.
6. If you need a laugh, they have a joke.
7. No matter what you need, you know they will be there, and they know the same about you.

I know it is hard to trust sometimes, but it is well worth the potential hurt, and yes, there may be some hurt. Trusting takes two and all you can ever do is hold up your side and trust the other person enough to do the same.

So how do you trust people? The bottom line is, trust is a decision. You must decide to let go of your fears and doubts, and trust other people. Henry Stimson once said, "The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust."

All things in life start with a decision. Once you decide to start trusting, it will get easier. Each time you trust another person, you will feel rewarded and warm inside. When someone breaks that trust, know in your heart that you did the right thing by giving that person the benefit of the doubt. We can’t control what others will do, but we can control how we react to it.

When you start thinking about those negative memories of the past, do something to change your focus, no matter what that might be. For me, I simply think of a memory, real or imagined that makes me smile. Try anything to jolt your mind off the bad images. Then fill your mind with pleasant thoughts and images, and before long, all the “bad stuff” will start to fade, but yes, it takes time. You will never forget it, but it won’t affect you like it does now. It will just pass away like a faded memory. I want to recommend you look into a technique called EFT. It is easy to do, and is free to learn. Go to this website to learn more: http://www.emofree.com/a/?2209/1

Do these things and I know you will see positive things begin to happen. But more importantly, know in your heart, that you are a greater person, because of what happened to you. Now the only question remains: will it defeat you, or will it make you stronger? Since you are questioning it, and reaching out to others for advice, I know it has already made you stronger. Remember, to trust is only a decision; to be free will be the result. - Kelly

What not to wear to work: just because office wear has gone casual doesn't mean you can't still make a mistake

As more and more companies adopt Friday (or Everyday) Casual policies, holey and frayed jeans, tracksuits, flip-flops, jog bras--even pajamas--are creeping into workplace wardrobes. Perhaps it's time to take a close look at what's acceptable for casual--and what's a bad professional judgment call in the average office. Here, a few head-to-toe pointers from those in the know.

Tame your mane

"Big hair may be in, but make sure it does not distract from your face," says Judith Rasband, founder and CEO of the Provo, Utah-based Conselle Institute of Image Management. The same goes for hair color: Keep up with your highlights, but don't go for brassy or unnatural-looking shades, like pink or blue. "Some women don't realize why they're actually turning heads; it's comical."

Vie for best pressed

Invest in an iron or find a good dry cleaner. "If your collar is rumpled, it doesn't matter which designer you're wearing; it tells your supervisor that you couldn't be bothered," Rasband says.
Get the right support

"If you can't wear a bra with it, you can definitely forget it!" says Julie Chaiken, founder and CEO of the San Francisco-based Chaiken clothing line, which caters to sophisticated, urban working women. "You want to make sure that people are paying attention to what you are saying"--not to your breasts!

The same holds true for skintight or midriff-baring clothes, says Colleen Abrie, past president of the San Francisco Bay Area Chapter of the Association of Image Consultants International. "What exactly are you advertising, and is it really for sale?" Abrie asks her clients.

Show your good jeans

While corporate casual has become synonymous with jeans at most offices, shuffling into the office in sandals and torn, faded denim still conveys a sense of sloppiness and disregard. "Keep your look very tailored and polished," Chaiken advises. "Pair up dark jeans with a cute, crisp button-down blazer and nice pumps. Nothing faded, ripped, torn or too low-rise."

Treat your soles right

Similarly, open-toed shoes have become more widely accepted in warm months. "Flip-flops are great--if you work at a pool," Rasband says. "No matter how colorful or embellished, they snap and slap against your heels while you walk, and that's distracting to those working around you."

Instead, Rasband suggests finding a decent pair of microfiber or leather mules. "The strappy platform sandals and kitten-heeled slides are cute, but they're often difficult to walk in," she says. "If we have to walk with mincing steps, we lose our sense of authority."

Dress for tomorrow's success

"It takes just three seconds to form an opinion about someone," Abrie points out, so ask yourself what you want your co-workers to know about you at a glance. "What your wardrobe should not reflect is what nightclub you're headed to later or how much you've been working out to get those six-pack abs."

The bottom line? In a "corporate casual" environment, "corporate" still comes first. "If you look professional and polished, people will treat you with respect," Chaiken says. "Even if you are not in an authoritative position now, you should show that you want to be."
COPYRIGHT 2005 Weider PublicationsCOPYRIGHT 2005 Gale Group

reference

The new office politics: we've seen the enemy at work, and sometimes it's us. A look at the pressures that pit Black women against one another

Kimberly L. Bailey had a few butterflies, but the light conversation that the smiling woman made as she escorted her to the conference room made her feel a little less nervous. By the time the twentysomething Bailey sat facing the panel of three a White man, a White woman and a Black woman--she was ready for her interview with the large, highly regarded insurance company. What she didn't expect, however, was the icy reception she got from the sister.

"The two Whites were very pleasant, smiled as we talked, and looked at me," says Bailey, now a pension-program representative for the California State Teachers' Retirement System in Sacramento. "But the Black woman never smiled, only looked at me once, and read from a paper any questions she had for me. She was never rude or disrespectful, but it was almost as if she were intentionally trying not to connect with me. I was told she would be my immediate supervisor if I were hired. I didn't get the job. I thought I had interviewed well, and I know I was qualified, but I remember walking away from the interview wondering if the Black woman was jealous or insecure and just didn't want to work with me. I've Bailey's experience is one that's often repeated, not only in conference rooms across America but also in dorm rooms and classrooms. As far back as childhood, most of us have known sister-haters, or have done our own share of hating. Whether it was that girl in high school with the long hair and the big legs who got all the attention, or the trophy diva who snagged the great catch, or the sister with the M.B.A. who landed a job that put her in the six-figure league, women who seem to have more or to have it better--better education, better man, better looks, better opportunities--have always been targets of our collective jealousies and resentments. But now that we're settling in the corporate workplace in greater numbers than ever before, we have a new stage on which to play out our dramas. There the stakes are even higher because the rewards can be so lucrative, involving as they do money, privilege and perks. To get ahead, we're acting out with behaviors such as not speaking, withholding promotions or information, backstabbing and finger-pointing.
That kind of behavior isn't surprising when it comes from Whites--in fact, we almost expect it.

Think bullied girl Stacie J. from The Apprentice. But when Black women in a predominantly White environment dish it out to one another, we're surprised and doubly hurt. We expect, maybe unrealistically, that because we have the common bond of race and gender, we will automatically have each other's back.

"We've moved away from the mythology of Black women's supporting one another at work because we're now in these corporate environments where it's much more competitive and individualistic," says ESSENCE career columnist Ella Edmondson Bell, an associate professor of business in the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth. "There is literally room for only one [Black female] at the top, and we've all gotten caught up in deciding that 'I'm going to be that one.'" Companies may talk about teamwork, says Bell, but the reality is that it's the individual who gets ahead, sometimes at the expense of other individuals she is working with.

FEAR AND LOATHING IN THE WORKPLACE

Given that we spend a huge chunk of our waking lives at work, it's no wonder the office becomes an arena for some of our most intense personal dramas. "There are so few places where Black women feel affirmed and supported," says Bell. "We're competing for men and for the job, and we often feel unloved and alone. And when you're feeling alienated and wounded, guess what? You may go after that sister on the job who looks better than you, who's got that man or that professional title." That animus can be directed toward peers, superiors or subordinates.

Take the case of Frances Ruffin, a copywriter who was working at a small publishing company in the Northeast that had merged with a larger one. "I was very supportive of a Black female manager in the company who was worried about losing her job with the merger," Ruffin says.

"As a result of the company's downsizing, I had revised a brochure that this woman took with
her to a sales meeting. She made a point of phoning me from the meeting to say the sales staff hated it. This turned out to be a lie. I later learned that the staff actually loved it, and soon realized that this manager often gave me misinformation about things and lied a lot." That kind of behavior, whether caused by insecurity over their own positions or feeling threatened by another sister's skills, is increasingly showing up among Black women in the workplace.

"My Black female boss did less to promote me than any of the White bosses I ever worked with," says Tracy Samms (not her real name), a producer at a national radio news station. "She [the boss] was a senior producer who came up the hard way, when there were few Blacks in the newsroom. She didn't want anyone to think she was giving me special privileges because we were both Black. The thing is, once I got out from under her I was promoted twice in one year by a White woman who had no fear of giving me an opportunity."

you can change

STANLEY SCHACHTER WAS PUZZLED. A researcher at Columbia University, Schachter was well versed on the studies of weight-loss and smoking-cessation programs. According to the research, only 10 to 30 percent of the people who participate in those programs are still slender or nonsmoking one year later. Ten to 30 percent. That ain't much.

These studies prompted some researchers and therapists to assert it’s nearly impossible to stop smoking or control one’s weight permanently.

What puzzled Schachter was that most of the people he knew who wanted to lose weight or quit smoking had somehow been able to do it successfully. He conducted some interviews of his colleagues and friends, and it confirmed his hunch: Those who had tried had succeeded.

He has now spent over twenty years doing research on this, and he has concluded that the key to success in changing long-standing habits is practice. According to his research, people who have successfully quit smoking have tried and failed a number of times before they finally succeeded. The same was true about losing weight. Apparently you have to learn how to keep the change, and after you learn how, it begins to become a new part of yourself that eventually requires very little active effort to maintain.

That’s why the studies of weight-loss programs and stop-smoking studies look so bleak: Each is a study of only a single attempt. Schachter found that the more times you go through one of these programs, the more likely the change will be permanent.

So if you have tried to change and failed, try again. And keep trying. You can change...and you can learn how to keep the change. All you need is practice.

Keep persisting until the change you want happens.

Author: Adam Khanthis is a chapter from the book Self-Help Stuff That Works

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